NBA WEEKLY SMACK (EDITION ONE)

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KENDRICK NUNN HAS ARRIVED, PRAY FOR DSJ, THE LUKE WALTON EFFECT, TROUBLE IN THE YAY AREA? & KAT FOR MVP??

Tuesday, October 22

Raptors def. Pelicans, 130-122

 Opening night seemingly didn’t go down as planned for the NBA head honchos. The Pelicans were without heir apparent Zion Williamson, the Lakers were without Kuz and the Clippers were missing offseason addition PG13. Despite the absence of such impact players, The NBA was back in full swing. Twitter was agast with memes and hot takes as the Baby Lakers (Pelicans) fell victim to the defending champion Raptors (and yes the rings are So Icy). Fred Vanvleet was living his best life as he dropped 34 with 7 Assists. Spicy P, Pascal Siakam continues his unheralded rise to stardom with a monster line (34 PTS, 18 REBS), K-Low 7 had 22 and don’t sleep on OG Anunoby, who after an injury plagued season looks to cement himself as one of the better ‘3 and D’ prospects in the league. The game was nearly curtains when Norman Powell almost hit one of the most unlikely game-winners in recent memory. The Pels may have fell by 8 in the OT semi-thriller but the ‘Baby Lakers’ showed promise. Big Dog B.I. had an all around showing dropping 22 Points, 5 Rebounds and 5 Assists. Josh ‘Podcast’ Hart put up a solid 15 and 10 Rebs off the bench and Lonzo added 8, 5 Asts and 5 Rebs. With most of the national spotlight removed from the trio, expect them to prosper. The New Orleans Pels seem poised for an interesting season. Will this be the year JJ Reddick finally misses the playoffs? Or will the Baby Lakers, a returning Zion and Jrue Holiday form the hottest ‘Nawlins’ conglomerate since the No Limit and Cash Money Records heyday? NOLA Basketball might be worth watching for the first time since David West was known as the ‘15 Foot Assassin’. 

 Clippers def. Lakers, 112-102

 The Lakers-Clippers matchup featured all the pageantry, hot-takes and over-reactions that prime time NBA matchup produces. According to Bron-Bron it’s not a rivalry guys. Folks geeked over LeBron (18 PTS) hitting a post fade over Kawhi like it was the second coming of Jordan’s infamous ‘The Shot’. Despite the pageantry and big game atmosphere, it was the unassuming Kawhi (30 PTS) who led the Clippers to the W. They did it for Darius Miles. Sidenote: How does Kawhi become a meme every time he opens his mouth? Shit’s crazy b. Danny Green popped out the cut for 28 Points, Anthony ‘Looney Tunes’ Davis delivered 25 Points and 10 Rebounds on debut. The rest of the Lakers roster activated KCP mode, an unprecedented disappearing act. How long until we get our first LeBron hates Frank Vogel storyline? I set the Over/Under at 10 games. On the Clippers side (the left side), the bench did their usual trick of getting buckets. LouWillVille AKA Lou 2 Times had an easy 21 Points and MonsterTrez AKA ‘Everything Danny Fortson Should Have Been’ dropped 17 Points to pair with his 7 Boards. JaMychal ‘I’m Not Jeff or Draymond’ Green and Maurice ‘The Third Knucklehead’ Harkless had sneaky contributions off the bench (12 PTS and 10PTS). Holistically, this game will be irrelevant in the future. As both the LA squads look to be in the title race, we may be blessed with a 7 Game dose of Bron- Kawhi action. 

Wednesday, October 23

 Hornets def. Bulls, 126-125

 PJ Washington hit 7 Threes (did he even hit 7 Threes in College?), Dwayne Bacon AKA The NY Snip3r had 22 Points and early season surprise Devonte’ Graham outplayed the ‘$60 Mil Man’ (Terry Rozier) with 23 Points and 8 Assists. These Hornets performances fuelled a W over the Bulls, who appear to be on their way to dreaded treadmill status. The Finnisher (WOAT Nickname?) had himself a night (35 PTS, 17 REBS) for the Bulls. LaVine, Coby ‘Not Kobe’ White, new addition Thaddeus Young and Kris Dunn contributed double digit Point totals in the one point loss. Coby White is the truth. He’s in a position to be amongst the highest scoring Rookies this season. He will establish himself as one of the better microwave scorers by the end of the year. Whether he’s the answer at PG for the Bulls or a perennial 6th Man, this pick looks like a rare W for GarPax.

 Pistons def. Pacers, 119-110

 Andrew Drummond channelled his inner Sada Baby and hosted a ‘Bloxk Party’. The paint stalwart dominated with 32 Points, 23 Rebounds and 4 Blocks in the 9 point victroy. Duke Kennard announced himself with a 30 piece, as he tries to fulfill his lottery pick status this season. D Rose had 18 Points and 9 Assists and is one Reggie Jackson inury away from leading a Motown renaissance. Blake, D Rose and motivated Drummond might be a problem. But with recent history taken into account, the worst must be expected from Detroit Basketball. They gotta bring in Teejayx6 as General Manager. On the Pacers squad: Myles, Malcolm and Domantas came through with 20 pieces in the losing effort. Once J-Lamb and TJ ‘Born to Get Buckets’ Warren settle in with the Nate McMillan coached squad, the Pacers should be able to keep their heads afloat. It all comes down to when the king of R’n’B Victor Oladipo returns. Either way, Myles Turner will finally be recognised as breakout star in 2020. 

 Magic def. Cavs, 94-85

 Markelle Mania was alive and well as he tomahawked his way to 12 Points and 6 Assists off the bench. Chase-a-bag Vucevic had a routine 21 and 10 in the Magic’s W over the Cleveland Cavaliers. #TeamWingspan seems focused on clinching another 6,7,8 seed in the lowly Eastern Conference. The less said about the Cavs, the better. Sexton took 15 shots to score 16, Tristan Kardashian and K Love both double doubled for the Cavs. The tank will commence soon. It’s time to free Kevin Porter Jr. 

TImberwolves def. Nets, 127-126

 Brooklyn was in the house on opening night. The one point Brooklyn loss was arguably the best game of the week. Kyrie dropped 50 like Flip Murray and nearly hit an NBA Street-esque game winner. Caris ‘First Step’ Levert skated to a 20 burger, Taurean double doubled (15 PTS, 10 REBS) and Jarrett Allen had 5 rejections on the evening. Big Blood Kyrie looks happy to be out of Beantown. He’s still very #woke though. KAT started his campaign with 36 Points and 14 Rebounds. Monster individual season incoming. The Wolves are finally out of their TimerBulls era. However, they seem set to remain in mediocrity for the foreseeable future. I respect Wiggins’ determination to take the most difficult shots possible (#fadeawaygang, #dribblepullups), but it seems like he needs a change of scenery to liven up his career. ‘Touch Me Teague Me’ had 14 and Big Shot Robert Covington AKA ‘The Fruits of the Process’ contributed 15 Points and 9 Boards in the Wolves victory. The Wolves have nice pieces and the ‘3 n D’ potential of wings Josh Okogie and Jarrett Culver. In the meantime, the 2019-20 season is all about KAT Stacks getting his numbers. 

Heat def. Grizzlies, 120-101

 First name Kendrick, Last name Nunn had 24 Points in his Heat debut. He proved his Pre-Season performances were more than irrelevant buckets. Nunn conquered Waiters Island (new population: 0) Age of Empires II style. Point Justise was an all-around prodigy droppin 27 Points, 7 Rebounds and 7 Assists. Bam double-doubled and Tyler Herro had a steezy 14 in the W. Goran Dragic could be gunning for LouWill’s 6th Man trophy. He had a cool 19 off the Heat bench. The Heat have the potential to make a bit of noise with an improved Justise, a healthy Jimmy, serviceable role players and #HeatCulture. This squad screams first or second round exit. Triple J (Not double J, Jeff Jarrett) comabatted foul trouble for his 17 Points. Ja 2 Crazy AKA Ja Morant had 14 in his debut effort. Look for Ja to lead the league in almost-highlight plays and fellow rook Brandon Clarke will lead the league in floaters from 3-7 feet. Ja is as electrifying as prime Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. He’s got the juice.

76ers def. Celtics, 107-93

 The 6ers slapped the Celtics silly with their balanced scoring attack. Best starting lineup in the league? I think so. Tobi and Embiid double-doubled (15 PTS, 15 REBS & 15PTS, 13 REBS). J-Rich rang the bell with 17, Horford added 16 and Ben Simmons was a stud (24 PTS, 9 AST, 8 REBS). If they remain healthy, the 6ers should cruise through the regular season. Their depth shall be tested come playoff time. The Celtics disappointed in their 14 point loss. Tatum and Hayward 20 pieced in the L. Tough times for the Green gang. Remember when they had assets? 

Spurs def. Knicks, 120-111

 Spurs did what Spurs do against the Knicks. Took care of business. LMA had 22, Bryn ‘Trey Ball’ Forbes was efficient for his 20 and DeJounte returned with a nice display (18 PTS, 6 AST). The Trey Lyles redemption project has begun. If the Spurs can get the best out of another beleaguered prospect, then it should be smooth sailing for the black and silver. The new look Knicks AKA Team ‘Team Option’ or ‘Team Option’ City fought admirably. Marcus Morris Sr. debuted with 26, J Randle had 25 and RJ Barrett contorted his way to 21 on debut. Let’s bow our heads in prayer for Dennis Smith Jr. It’s looking like he won’t play any meaningful minutes on a tanking squad. The rise and fall. Sidenote: the Knicks Blue uniforms are trifling. Nike be buggin’ sometimes. 

Mavericks def. Wizards, 108-100

 Luka-Zingis started off on a fruitful note with a W over the ‘Zards. ‘Team Euro’, or dare I say ‘Team Alt-Right’ were led by Luka’s 34 Points and the Zinger’s 23. I don’t know what to think of this Mavs squad right now, so we’ll take a wait and see approach. Real Deal Beal dropped 19, got ejected, Rui 8Mura and T-Bryant produced double-doubles for the capital’s squad. Lucky the DMV got a poppin’ rap scene and the Nationals. Because the Wizkids are going out sad right now. 

Jazz def. Thunder, 100-95

 Moorman city got the W over the Thunder in a battle of the West. Spida Mitchell had 32, whereas newbie Mike Conley couldn’t buy a bucket. Expectations are high in Jazz-land this year. They appear to be the ‘hipster’ favorite to make a title run this year. The jury’s still out, their ingredients will make for an interesting season though. CP3 began his redemption run with 22 and 8 Assists. SGA the slenderman had 26 and Danilo poured 21 points in OKC’s 5 point loss. The OKC return may not be CP3’s ideal situation. I still hope he can get his numbers though. #StatsMatter.

Nuggets def. Blazers, 108-100

 Portland and Denver rekindled their storied playoff series on Opening Night. Dame Time resumed with 32 and 8 Assists in Rip City’s 8 point defeat. Whiteside double-doubled (16 PTS, 12 REB) as he looks to establish himself on his new squad. Denver were their typical well balanced selves in the W. Forming like Voltron and sharing the wealth like a smorgasbord, the Nuggets roster contributed amicably. Anchored by Jokic’s 20 and 13 performance and Thrill Barton’s 19, the Nuggets smoked their Northwest division counterparts. When is Bol Bol season approaching?

Suns def. Kings, 124-95

 “Should of kept Dave Joerger”, said De’Aron Fox to himself after getting routed by 29 points against the Phoenix Suns. The Luke Walton effect was on full display in the loss. Maybe they were crowned too soon as everyone’s favorite breakout team? Several questionable free-agent acquisitions has led to a cluttered roster of overpaid role players. Shout out to CoJo and Triza for getting that bag though. Buddy Hield was the lone bright spot with 28 Points on the evening. If the Kings don’t right the ship, then the Maloof curse should be considered the second most powerful curse after Lil B’s. The Madden Curse comes in third. The Suns showed out with Oubre and Booker doing their routine 20 pieces. The freshly suspended Ayton had 18, 11 Boards and 4 Blocks. Are you flipping the young suns in an attempt to trade for KAT? Pull the trigger Sarver. 

Thursday, October 24

Hawks def. Pistons, 117-100

 Trae the Truth, Ice Trae, Trigga Trae, TraeTL AKA Trae Young had a berserk start to the NBA season. He activated limitless range to the tune of 38 Points and 9 Assists. ‘All Day’ John Collins did his thang with 18 Points and 10 Rebounds. De’Andre Hunter had 14 on debut and A$AP Bari Parker showed out with 18 Points off the ATL bench. As long as Trae and JC, the ‘YoungBloodz’ continue to progress, the Hawks will be in good stead. Drummond and D Rose (21 PTS & 27 PTS) feasted for the Pistons. The lack of assistance meant they lost by 17. #Teejayx6ForGM. 

Bucks def. Rockets, 117-111

 The Bucks spoiled Westbrook’s Rockets debut by taking a 6 point W. Westbrook did Westbrook ‘tings (24 PTS, 16 REB, 7 AST) whilst Harden did maringal Harden ‘tings (19 PTS, 14 AST, 7 REB) in the loss. Expect the micro-analysis of this duo to continue throughout the season. ESPN continues their righteous quest to turn the NBA into a Soap Opera and Reality Show hybrid. It’s always championship or bust in H-Town, so sit back and enjoy the ride. Or you can micro-analyse every Westbrook-Harden interaction. Whatever floats your boat. The Brogdon-less Bucks continued their elite play from last year. Buoyed by the reigning MVPs triple-double (30 PTS, 13 REB, 11 AST) and the Budenholzer pace-and-space stimulus, the Bucks left H-Town with a W. The next couple of seasons are make or break for the Bucks. Giannis’ free-agency bonanza is just around the corner.

Clippers def. Warriors, 141-122

 Pat Beverly giveth and Pat Beverly taketh away. It’s back to ‘reality’ for the Warriors according to Pat Bev. Yeah, that weird reality where the Clippers are a legit title contender. Seems more like a simulation to me. The ghost of Pat Patterson morphed into Donyell Marshall and dropped 6 trey balls as a part of his 20 point outing. If TuPat can become a consistent stretch four, the Clippers become even scarier. Did I mention that PG13 is still on the sidelines? Kawhi, Lou Will and Trez dropped 21, 27 and 18 respectively. Zupac double-doubled with 16 and 10. True dominance in the battle of the Left Coast. The Warriors scored the most lethargic 122 points imaginable. Steph had 23 and D Loading logged in for a 20 piece. Weird time to be a Warrior fan right now, has the bandwagon officially departed?

Friday, October 25

Celtics def. Raptors, 112-106

 Beantown got their act together in a comeback W against the OVO Raptors. Tatum (25 PTS), Jaylen Brown (25 PTS) and K-Walk (22 PTS)  got greasy against the Canucks. Who knows what to think of the Green Team right now? My boy Robert Williams needs more shine though. Siakam had another monster night for T- Dot, dropping 33 in a losing effort. K-Low AKA ‘State Property’ added 29, as Vanvleet crashed back to earth following his opening night heroics. Remember when Marc Gasol played offense? Good times for sure.

Timberwolves def. Hornets, 121-99

 Minny ran it up against the Hornets. KAT, the early-early season MVP went crazy. 37 Points, 15 Rebounds, 8 Assists, 4 Steals and 2 Blocks in just 28 Minutes of playing time. KAT Stacks is not playing this season. No Thibs, No Problems. Devonte’ Graham had a career high 24 points for the Hornets. Here’s to Devonte’ continuing to emerge throughout the season. If any team needs a feel good story, it’s the Hornets. 

Nets def. Knicks, 113-109

 The battle of New York was closer than expected. Nine Trey Blood, Kyrie Irving lead the Nets to a close W (26 PTS). Dinwiddie heated up for a 20 piece off the bench. Kenny Atkinson is mixing the medicine in Brooklyn. RJ Barrett hit a lick with 6 Steals to pair with his 16 Points. Knicks fans have to be happy with RJ’s week 1 returns. Kevin Knox and Iso-Zo showed out for the Knicks as well (16 PTS & 22 PTS). The youth were out there showing promise. Spare a thought for Bobby Portis, who got the Team Option bag and seems to be the odd man out in Fizdale’s forward rotation. Don’t mess with crazy eyes too much, just ask Nikola Mirotic.

Mavericks def. Pelicans, 123-116

 The Euro-Mavs earned a W over Cash Money Records Pelicans. Fuck-The-Knickstaps Porzingis hosted a block party (allegations pending) with 5 Blocks to complement his 24 Points. I think we forgot about the range he possesses. He’s looking healthy and more than ready to continue the 7ft shooter legacy of the Mavs franchise. Luka-Magic cast a spell for his first triple-double of the season (25 PTS, 10 AST, 10 REB). Delon ‘I’m Not Dorrell’ Wright started the microwave for 20 off the Carlisle bench. The Pelicans soldiers were led by B.I. the Big Dog who dropped an effortless 25 on the Euroleagues unofficial NBA squad. Favors, Lonzo and Hart showed up (16 PTS, 15 PTS, 16 PTS). Someone tell Jrue Holiday that the season has started. It’s his time to become a bonafide star. 

Wizards def. Thunder, 97-85

 Thomas Bryant led the Wizkids to a W over the OKC Draft Assets. 21 and 11 from one of last seasons breakout players. Rui had 19 (on 20 shots). These young pieces offer a glimmer of hope to the bleak scenario Wizards fans face. Remember that 7 game Boston series? Sadly, draft assets don’t translate to on-court performance (just ask Danny Ainge) so OKC took the L here. It’s fun watching SGA get free reign in an NBA offense. He helped himself to a stat stuffing: 28 Points, 7 Rebounds, 4 Assists, 2 Steals and 3 Blocks. As each day passes the OKC fire sale approaches. Sayonara; Steven Adams, Danilo Gallinari and CP3. Enjoy being trade bait for the rest of your OKC tenure. 

Bulls def. Grizzlies, 110-102

 Zach LaVine’s 37 Points gave Chi-City an 8 Point W over the ‘we’re no longer Grit n’ Grind’ Grizzlies. Coby White continues to prove his NBA ready scoring package with a 25 Point injection from the bench. JJJ had 23 and 11. He was the only player to show up for the Grizzlies. Sidenote: How good would Jae Crowder be on those old Grit n’ Grind squads? I hope he can stick around and be the glue guy for Memphis throughout their rebuild. His fearless swag is the perfect fuel for Ja Morant. 

Nuggets def. Suns, 108-107

 Phoenix’s unprecedented one-game win streak came to an end in a one point loss against the Mile High squadron. Oubre Jr. led PHX with 23. Frank Kaminsky spammed 11 Free Throws to reach his 19 Points. The Joker Fucked around and got a triple-double (23 PTS, 14 REB, 12 AST), Green Arrow added 27 in a squeaky win for the Nugs. Can we get Malik Beasley on a tanking team to see what PPG his capable of?

Blazers def. Kings, 122-112

 Call it mismanagement, call it privilege, call them questionable rotations or just call it the Luke Walton effect. Another game, another double digit loss for the Kings. SwipaDaFox held his own with 28 Points and 11 Assists. Buddy Hield splashed 21 and Bogdan ‘Not Bojan’ Bogdanovic had 16 off the bench. I sincerely hope things get right in Sac-Town. It’s been too long since they have had a relevant team. It’s been a long time since Kevin Martin was dropping unorthodox buckets in those gold alternate uniforms. Rip City got 35 from Dame Dolla, 22 from a rejuvenated Whiteside, 19 from 3J McCollum and 15 from AMG Academy’s own Anfernee Simons. Rip City stand up! 

Lakers def. Jazz, 95-86

 The Lakeshow bounced back from defeat against the Clippers by beating every ‘White Hipster who frequents Breweries’ favorite team, the Utah Jazz. The Stifle Tower wasn’t enough for LeBron and AD AKA ‘Watch The Throne’. 32 Points and 10 Assists for Bron and 21 Points, 7 Rebounds, and 5 Blocks for Anthony Davis. Troy Daniels (not TroyDan) had a timely 15 of the Purp and Gold bench. Donovan Mitchell was the lone bright spot for the Jazz (24 PTS). The Frank Vogel ousting is brewing, just wait. 

Saturday, October 26

Heat def. Bucks, 131-126

 Despite Giannis’ game-tying layup, the Bucks fell to Kendrick Nunn and the Heat. The Greek Freak’s MVP defense is off to a good start with another dominant performance (29 PTS, 17 REB, 9 AST). Khris ‘Don’t Smoke Mid’ Middleton arrived with 25 Points. The Dragon, Goran Dragic feasted on the Bucks defense with a swashbuckling 25 Points off Erik Spolestra’s bench. The new sensation Kendrick Nunn had 18 and Bam dropped 19. As well as an insane chase-down block. Tayshaun Prince would be proud. Without Jimmy Buckets, #HeatCulture is thriving. #KendrickNunnHive. 

76ers def. Pistons, 117-111

 Tobias Harris put 29 on his former Pistons in a 6 point W. Ben Simmons recorded 7 Steals in addition to his 13 Point, 10 Assist double-double. 6ers legend Mike Scott stepped up with 17 Points in Embiid’s absence. Derrick Rose kept his foot on the gas with a 31 Point explosion off the bench. Duke Kennard, Kief Morris had 16 and 17 in the losing effort. D Rose back? Please bless us with another 50 ball Derrick. 

Hawks def. Magic, 103-99

 DatBoiTrae went off again for 39 Points against Team Wingspan AKA The Orlando Magic. Ice Trae put the Hawks on his back for this W. Soon Curry range will be surpassed by Trae range. Evan ‘Yes I’m Still a Starter in This League’ Fournier contributed 23 for the Magicians. Treadmill status. At least the Magic have prime Fultz, Isaac and Bamba to look forward to. #Wingspan. 

Celtics def. Knicks, 118-95 

 BX Kemba bombed away on his home turf to lead the Celtics over the KnicksTape. RJ Barrett continued his strong start to the season (26 PTS). Maybe the kid is built for NY. Knicks fans have officially bought out of DSJ fandom as they brutally jeered him during the game. Even chanting ‘We Want Frank’. It’s a cold world in NY. M-Rob arrived with 17 Points and 3 Blocks. For the Green guys, K-Walk (32 PTS) and new contract Jaylen Brown (19 PTS) led the way. ‘Team Option’ Knicks: Randle, Morris, Portis and Taj have stuttered out of the starting blocks. 

Raptors def. Bulls, 108-84

 OG Anunoby produced two of the sickest Blocks in recent memory in the Raptors 24 point triumph over the Bulls. OG’s final statline was 17 Points, 6 Rebounds and 4 Blocks. Watching him blossom this season will be exciting. We are witnessing the genesis of a ‘Real Hooper’. 6 Raptors scored in double figures in the easy W. The Bulls stunk it up. Wendell Carter was the only noteworthy performer from the WIndy City (12 PTS, 11 REB). The human minutes limit, Otto Porter Jr. has disappeared to start the season.

Cavs def. Pacers, 110-99

 Indiana’s Oladipo-less struggles continued. A loss to the Cavs? SMH. Brogdon dropped 30 Points and 10 Assists. He looks to be feasting in his featured role. The Cavs first win came thanks to the championship frontcourt’s pair of 20-10 performances. Tristan Thompson hit his first career three on his way to a 25 Point and 13 Rebound outing. Kevin Love dropped 21 Points, 13 Rebounds and 9 Assists. Believeland?

Rockets def. Pelicans, 126-123

 B.I. The Big Dog continues to shine with another strong performance (35 PTS, 15 REB). Albeit in a losing effort. He’s living up to the hype so far. The Cash Money Pelicans got their roll on to their 3rd loss in as many games. The promise is there and with time, the results will follow. Westbrook notched his first triple-double as a Rocket (28 PTS, 13 AST, 10 REB). Harden scored 29 Points on 29 shots. Scoring mastery. Baby Laker watch: Josh Hart replaced an injured Jrue Holiday and responded with 23 Points (and one viral reaction), whereas Z02 doubled up with 18 Points and 10 Assists. 

Spurs def. Washington, 124-122

 LMA was LMA as he and DeRozan led the Spurs to a two point victory over the Wiz. Fellow starters Bryn Forbes and DeJounte Murray did their thing as well. DeJounte is a stud. If him and Derrick White can co-exist, then it’s 48 minutes of perimeter clamps. This game saw the return of IT v2, who made his Wiz debut in style. Dropping 16 off the bench. He expected these bench buckets last season in Denver. Then we figured out how good Monte Morris is. Salute to IT though, he will be able to chuck shots until his heart is content in Washington. Real Deal doubled up with 25 and 10 Assists, Rui 8Mara had 16, Ish Smith popped out for 19 and Bertans was a perfect 7/7 (5/5 3PT) on his way to 23 Points in his SA return. 

Jazz def. Kings, 113-81

 The Luke Walton effect showed up in another SAC loss. This time it was a 32 point loss to the Utah Jazz. The Kings were nothing short of abysmal. The better Bogdanovic (Bojan) had a crafty 26 Points for the Moormans. This game was 100% blowout status. Nothing noteworthy here. 

Suns def. Clippers, 130-122

 The Phoenix Suns shocked the world with their 8 point victory over the ClipSet. D Book had a 30 piece full of unpleasantries for Pat Bev (who fouled out). Kelly kept his momentum strong with another 20 bomb. Why did the Wizards trade him again? Kawhi, Lou and Trez tried to put the ClipSet on their back but lackluster performances from Hell Rell (Pat Bev) and Jr Writer (Landry Shamet) led to the unexpected loss. Kawhi had 27 Points, 10 Assists and 8 Boards. Lou Will had 23 Points and Trez had 28. Kawhi CLIP CLIP Leonard SET SET. 

Sunday, October 27

Grizzlies def. Nets, 134-133

 One of the better games from the first week of action. An Jae Crowder Game-winner and an epic duel between Kyrie and Ja Morant delivered classic NBA action. Ja Morant got greasy, dropping 30 Points, 9 Assists, clutch buckets, highlight plays and a game saving block on Kyrie’s attempted game-winner. Dillon Brooks put on for Canada (21 PTS) and Jonas Valincunas got busy in 19 minutes of action (16 PTS, 11 REBS, 3 3PM). Memph-town formed a bench mob as a Solomon Hill sighting (13 PTS, 100% FG), Kyle Slo-Mo Anderson (13 PTS) and Brandon Clarke (10 PTS) aided Memphis in this W. Killa Kyrie AKA Jeru the Damaja unleashed a new hesitation package to freeze the defense on his way to 37 cold hard Points. His BK scoring binge continues. Caris ‘Quick Step’ LeVert showed out with 27. Hope the boy can stay healthy this season. LeVert is definitely stepping up with the added attention on the Nets this year. Dinwiddie (16 PTS) and Jarrett Allen (14 PTS) were solid off the Nets bench. As we transition into the second week of the season, expect Kyrie to continue running the Nets show. SHAPOW!

Blazers def. Mavericks, 121-119

 Portland ousted the Euro-league Mavs by a deuce. CJ McCollum was a bad,bad man with 35 Points on 50% shooting. Dame kept things consistent with 28 of his own Points and Rodney ‘Alexa, Now Play Young Jeezy- My Hood’ Hood dropped a streaky 20 Points for the Blazers faithful. Portland are one Zach Collins coming out party away from continuing their run as a upper-echelon team in the vaunted Western Conference. The Euro-Mavs were carried by Porzingis (32 PTS, 9 REB) and Doncic (29 PTS, 12 REB, 9 AST). 

Timberwolves def. Heat, 116-109

 Timberwolves continued their unbeaten start by knocking off the Miami Heat. KAT Stacks (23 PTS, 11 REBS) and OKC Wiggins (25 PTS)  led the way for the 3-0 squadron. ‘Touch Me Teague’ activated crafty veteran mode (21 PTS, 8 AST) dropping 21 on just 8 shots. Things are clicking in Minny right now. Ryan Saunders has them playing free. Kendrick Nunn beasted yet again. 25 Points for the undrafted guard. Is he the left handed Flip Murray? Point Justise (20 PTS, 8 REB, 6 AST), Bam Bam Bigelow (13 PTS, 9 REB), Dragic (13 PTS), and Duncan Robinson (21 PTS) put forth a valiant effort against the TImberwolves. #HeatCulture has unearthed another gem. Kendrick Nunn is the real deal. 

Thunder def. Warriors, 120-92

 OKC blew out the Warriors by 28. Tough times in the Yay Area. Schroeder stuffed the stat sheet (22 PTS, 8 REB, 6 AST, 4 STL), SGA had 19 and Gallo got himself 21 Points. OKC secured their first W in style. Steph was the only bright spot for the Warriors as he tapped in for 23 Points. D’Loading struggled with 6 Points and 1 ref altercation. Warriors haters can rejoice for the time being. The Yay area demise will be televised. 

Lakers def. Hornets, 120-101

 The Lakers dismissed Buzz City by 19 in the least surprising result of the night. LBJ and AD 20-10’d up in a dominant display. Dwight Howard was in the mood for some revenge (16 PTS, 10 REB, 100% FG, 4 BLK). If KCP drops double digits, you know the Lakers are destined to win. It was just another day for Bron and company. Miles Bridges had 23, Scary Terry arrived with 19 and Devonte’ Graham’s mini scoring binge came to a close. Bridges progression is promising. Hopefully he can turn his hyper-athleticism into sustainable success for the Charlotte franchise. 

That wraps up Week One of the NBA experience. Meaningless matchups, #HeatCulutre thriving, Luke Walton bringing the suck to Sacramento and KAT turning into a one man wrecking crew. Week 2 will bring more narratives, more unfunny memes and all-round overreaction to irrelevant games. ‘Weekly Smack’ will dissect it all, and tell you what’s really good. Even if we don’t watch all the games. RIP Stack Bundles. Hope your Stacktober was as beautiful as Jaylen Brown’s. One love.

Weekly Smack and More NBA content coming at you every week on LO-FI: The Magazine!

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